One of the joys of having a condition which renders me as not well is; that with the aid of medication to control the symptoms, I can honestly say that I have never been so happy.
For example BB; who was the victim of a freak accident on Monday, is at home with me this week. We mightn't be together all the time, we are within earshot of one another, should my presence be needed. In the past I used to hide my maternal anxieties under the armoured layer called a nurses uniform.
In these situations I was powerless; forced to surrender my nearest and dearest to my childminder/surrogate granny and pretend that everything was okay, when clearly it was anything but. That said, I couldn't commend Ellen more highly, if I tried. There could never, ever be anyone else quite like her; she truly is a wonderful person whose love and care nurtured my two boys like none other.
When I lost my usual income; ten months ago, life changed dramatically. All of a sudden, having previously delegated the daily care of BB & LB for the first twelve & nine years of their young lives; I became a full time mother! Oh boy; what a shock!
Being used to collecting the two boys at 6pm (on the dot!?); I found it difficult to adjust to missing those three hours. That short time gave me the opportunity to pretend I was Supermum; whisking around the house; like a dervish, putting right the things which I had neglected during the rest of the day.
Every now and again I used to cook for the madding crowds; rather Ellen would cater for the boys and BJK for me. In those days I was a most ungrateful child; I often used to complain in silence; occasionally out loud, about the menu, the committment of time, running to schedule, etc.
The cross examination that accompanied each wolfed meal was resented; leading to uneasy silences and evasive answers. As she regularly pulled teeth, BJK despaired of me; I was simply lacking sufficient energy to relive each day, for the sake of conversation.
I was irritated when the meal was late;it meant I would be late to collect the boys. In stark contrast to this BJK was somehow supposed to know on which days I would be late and cater accordingly; with grace!It was a losing battle for both of us; justified entirely by the fact that she needed someone to cater for; the obvious advantages for myself were blithely ignored.
Since then things have changed dramatically for us all. I will never forget the conversation with Ellen; her worst fears confirmed. So traumatised was she; that it took all of two to three hours before she was able to comprehend the fact that she was "loosing my boys."
The following day tearful conversations occurred; BJK moderating. We both expressed our regrets and heartfelt thanks. Without Ellen; I would not have achieved a half of what I have done over these past ten years. Come to mention it, the same should be said of BJK. Both of these amazing women have been mentors, and tormentors in turn; their support kept me sane.
These days my life has taken on some direction; I am in charge of what happens in my life. Others mightn't necessarily approve of things I have done; however, each will admit that I am managing superbly well.
Investments of time and money have been made and while it is early days yet, their support is guaranteed, regardless of who is taking the helm. I somehow squeeze into five and a half hours more household responsibility than I have ever faced.
As a housekeeper, I am hopeless. Hopeless maybe; happy definately. One of my dearest wishes for the future has always been to employ a lady; to keep house for me. No doubt it is one of those unrealistic frivolities; akin to the long awaited dishwasher. After its arrival in 2000; it stood in obeisance for years; awaiting an occasional load. It was little more than a white elephant; that is, until recently...
By happy coincidence, DG arrived at my door shortly before my income dried up. His long awaited introduction to the household; as a full time member, was unfortunately spoiled by the accompanying six and a half black bags FULL of dirty washing...!
Being not so young, but very much in love, I gritted my teeth and got on with it. I am still getting on with it and the loads of washing are slowly getting on with it too. Quite how I am supposed to catch up with all that needs to be done as well as be a full time 'wife' and mother, diy enthusiast, head gardener, chef extraordinaire and especially talented maker of greeting cards I do not know.
What I do know is that at the present time I would willingly open my arms, heart and home to anyone wishing to solve my inadequacy as a housekeeper, thus affording me the freedom to concentrate on my new career in making handmade greeting cards for sale to the public...
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