Sunday, April 12, 2009

Should I? Shouldn't I?

I am now faced with something of a dilemma. My occupational health doctor feels that I am ready to try and return to work in a controlled and phased manner and is offering to support me in this. My employer would like to facilitate this, just to get me back to work and a small part of me wants to return and give something back. Having sacrificed my life, in quality and also in quantity I am now at a point where a decision has to be made.

Initially, there are the financial considerations to be considered. If I do return to work, even on a trial basis my income has to be protected. Presently my expenditure is little, there are few travel expenses and no baby sitting expenses, but there are things like mortgage, credit cards, and medication to pay for, alongside household expenses. All of these things will remain the same, but with the addition of travel and babysitting expenses the question must be asked; can I afford to return to work on a trial basis?

Ancient Woodland Scene at Craggenowen, Co Clare

Even if I can, am I going to be able to perform my job to an acceptable standard? What about my health, is that going to hold up in the face of added stress (physical)? Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera! Oh, by the way, did I take my tablets yet? Where did I put my note book? Did I tell you that I write most things down these days...

What of my new found quality of life and lifestyle? While I do try and work within the confines of what I am able to do, I still occasionally push the boundaries and suffer as a result. What is to become of my poor old and somewhat overweight body if I try and combine life and work? Will I be able to do one plus the other, or will I find myself sacrificing everything in favour of work AGAIN? The answer has to be a resounding NO for everybody's sake!

So what's next? When I've sorted out all the legalities and can see clearly into the future I will have to make a decision. If I try and return to work and find that it's not working for me, interfering with my new life and my health, what then? I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried, I suppose. I will never know the answer to any of these questions unless I give it a go, so in the near future I predict that there will be many visits to various health professionals in readiness for the big day.

There will be paperwork galore to be completed and submitted and arrangements to be made for weeks before I can set foot within the door of the hospital. If I am lucky they will not loose it this time, for only yesterday I was informed that a whole years worth of certificates have been mislaid. This doesn't engender confidence in my employer's abilities to keep abreast of things and reminds me that really I am little more than a number to them; this realisation is a great start isn't it?

Yours in confusion!

Polly Pierce
Vinca Cards

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