Friday, September 6, 2013

Polly's Got An Apple Alright...

I've also started back with my reading. This unfortunately consists of bite sized portions of blog posts. Oooops, there goes my addiction again! But is it really addiction? Or, is it more a case of my being unable to concentrate for long on small characters against a white background?

With the help of my reading glasses I can just about manage a succession of blog posts, preferably with plenty of explanatory pictures. Sadly, my idyllic holiday in the sun came to an end rather too quickly for Anna Karenina with the result that she's been waiting for me on the sitting room table for quite some time now. It's a shame, because it's actually a cracking tale. I just can't manage her any more.

Did I mention that I've piled on the pounds since I stopped working. To be honest it's come as something of a shock. The scales may show a slight gain each week. The mirror is well known to be dishonest in its appraisal of the human form. But apparently I've been lying to myself that actually I don't look that bad. Well, hey! Guess what? The tape measure doesn't tell fibs.

Actually I suppose it's more a case of me being like Garfield: as in under-tall! I do have ridiculously short arms and feet that take a size 4 shoe - I can wear kids shoes if I want to. The problem is that I can't wear kids clothes any more, not that I particularly want to wear One-Direction branded clothing or anything of the candyfloss pink 'My Little Pony' style. Ugh! on both counts, as if...

My own kids, both boys have been known to pinch my clothing and considering that it actually fits them I'm lost for argument really. My battered and grazed leather bikers jacket has found its way into BLT's hands, as has my lovely Jack & Jones (NCBI (National Council for the Blind of Ireland) charity shop: cost €5.00) bleached denim jacket. Sadly my leather jeans don't fit him, nor do they fit me.

Image borrowed from WikiHow
Karen from Did You Make That? asked the question in her Guardian column: "Can Sewing Change Your Body Image?" Well for me the answer has to be too damned right it has. Horrified by the revellations of my tape measure I decided that the measurements in question (ie from head to toe) would be smaller if my Mom took them for me. Hmph! Well that didn't quite work out, did it?

She kept putting her bloody finger in behind the tape, adding at least half an inch to each
@*#€&<% measurement. Take a deep breath dear, no, not like that! What I have rediscovered is that my hips are disproportionately small compared to my chest & waist measurements. I'd forgotten that, but it's a fact and it always has been! So, in short the answer to Karen's question "Yes, Sewing Can, Does & Did Change My Body Image - and not for the better! I'm an inverted triangle...! Erm, apparently not so. It gets worse I'm an apple. And, I hate it. "

What makes this even worse is that according to Gok Wan I'm a short-apple shape. I had kind of guessed that, considering I've been 5' 2 1/2" since my late teens. What I don't like about the existing classification is that they're all standardized and I don't necessarily fit into this mould properly. My shoulders are quite narrow for an apple. Apparently I'm meant to have broad rounded shoulders, seeing as I'm now an apple. Despite the weight upon them I have neither of those...

So, I'm an overweight freak. Maybe I should re-join the dreaded WW or Unislim. I did especially well on the first over the course of twenty or so years of yo-yo-ing and okay with the second when having gained an extraordinary amount of weight since my last visit I was too embarrassed to return to the tried, trusted & reliable WW. The magazines are okay, they can be inspiring. To be honest I'd rather feed my family...

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