A Series of Unfortunate Events - Chapter 1 (The Bog Doesn't Smell of Roses)

Good Morning; one and all!

Have you heard my most recent tale of woe? Well, even if you have I am going to relay some of the high points for your entertainment. (It's not as bad as it sounds, honest!)

First of all let me excuse myself in advance for any spelling mistakes; the fingers on my right hand are, at the moment, quite numb & very cold! Great start to the day, eh?

Last weekend; not the one just gone, the previous one, LB announced that there was 'faeces' everywhere! Ummmh! This was unfortunately confirmed by BB a few minutes later. The inspection pit for the septic tank was indeed overflowing - AGAIN!

Needless to say this required immediate attention, resulting in DG spending the best part of his Sunday Knee deep in smelly stuff. Thankfully; his sense of smell isn't great at the best of times, so this wasn't too much of an ordeal for him.

Several hours later; having retrieved a laundry marker and a stubby permanent marker (both black), he came across what resembled a huge wad of what was once toilet paper. Triumphant we tested the offending article, ie the toilet and much to DG's disgust not a lot happened.

Meanwhile; Polly dressed in her favourite outfit, a knitted hoodie and pyjama bottoms was hammering away on the computer, indulging her favourite hobby indoors where it was warm, scoffing copious quantities of forgotten Christmas pralines and slurping numerous mugs of steaming hot tea. She did concede; however, to hand feeding DG through the window and providing numerous flushes - for testing purposes only.

Actually, I was attending to the other casualty of last weekend. The dishwasher died and was steadfastly refusing to drain. Luckily; being computer literate, I was able to conduct my research on-line before having to venture out into the cold & order the new machine.

Anyway, going back to the septic tank and its problems with drainage; it was necessary for DG to cut the pipe, remove some gravel and calcified water(?), patch it up temporarily and cover it with a sheet of corrugated steel. As if this wasn't bad enough; temporary meant for the best part of seven days, which unfortunately resulted in liquidity only, with no solids please.

There are two solutions to a problem of this nature:

1. A slops bucket in the bathroom for the collection of faecal waste and solid matter (unfortunately ours wasn't as pretty as the one in the photo below, which; is a compost toilet) OR
2. Frequent visits to friends, family and anyone who owns a functioning WC

This situation has continued for the best part of a week, resulting in abdominal cramps, constipation and the occasional near accident.

One family member; myself excused, found it necessary to use the silver coloured plastic compost toilet seated beside its non-functioning modern equivalent. Great difficulty was reported regards concentrating on the job in hand. Apparently, it is very difficult to do one without the other; and he nearly washed the floor at the same time!!!

I am pleased, no PROUD to report that dearest DG has saved the day, once again; completed the repairs and the bathroom is once again FULLY functional. Thank you, very much!


Without mentioning any names, I suspect not everyone followed the procedure outlined above; judging by the frequent visits to the great outdoors! I wonder; would this same person be the the one responsible for the laundry marker, permanent marker and the wad of what-was-once-toilet-tissue?

Just for your information, I would advise anyone planning on visiting VINCA Cards in the near future to wear wellington boots. The ground is already water-logged due to amazing amounts of rain. Not only is the ground boggy; lurking in the undergrowth, there may be those members of the poo family who managed to escape the tyranny of the dreaded slops bucket.

Anyway, the good news is that we are all sitting pretty once more and the stomach cramps are now a dim & distant memory! LOL

Cheerio!

Polly Px

Successful Business Woman

Since my eldest child; Biggest Boy started his secondary education at Tullamore College in August things at home have been dramatically calmer.

Littlest Boy appears to have found his own wings; he's started to 'fly' in school and appears to be finally settling into his own space; rather than in the shadow of BB. With very few exceptions homework has been tackled early & without trouble, rather than later. The whole pace of life has been that little bit slower.

Yes, the two boys still quarrel, from time to time they fight in the true sense of the word; ie physically; but all in all life has been so much nicer since the schools' reopened.

BB has fallen onto his feet and, despite an incident early on in the last month, seems happier and more settled. Most of the boys from his old school have gone to the supposedly more 'respectable' Christian Brother's; leaving my lad to get on and make his own way without any pressure.

Communications between BB & LB, myself & BB, LB & DG, etc have all improved and there is less disquiet in the house all round. I get one evening off a week; other than the weekends; and it is lovely.

Scouts on Monday, plus assorted requirements at weekends, Cubs on Tuesday, Gymnastics in Tullamore on Wednesday + Night-Class for me starting this week, Thursday - Recover from other three nights and on Friday Gymnastics in Curragh Camp Gym; for four hours!

This last weekend wasn't too bad. Unfortunately LB was unwell on Friday and so spared me the four hours waiting period on the Curragh; also the expense of coffees and buns in the Whitewater Centre, Newbridge!

Saturday I packed the two boys off to BJK for the day. I had an opening ceremony to attend at the new Scout Hostel up the mountains; aka The Slieve Blooms. I had to borrow a shirt and lend my camera to fellow scouter to record the grand affair.


Sunday; DG was suddenly working. LB had to stay with BJK again, while BB & I went on an early morning 5 mile hike with the scouts; 'up the mountains', over boglands and heath. It was jolly hard work; but at least the weather held off and none were injured. Afterwards we celebrated our success with ice-creams & tayto's!

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I recently read the Scouting Ireland Code of Good Practice. It's all above board and incredibly sensible;the thing is, that once having opened the first page; to reveal the table of contents, it makes me realise just how serious the business of interacting with other people's children is.

Within the HSE similar codes of good practice have applied, and sadly like most of my colleagues; I have been forced by society to view our charges with a slightly jaundiced eye. No longer can the teacher sit poor Sally on her knee to comfort her after a fall in the playground; no longer can we take photographs of our gymnastic hopes for the future and so on, and so on.

The application form for child members of the Scouting Ireland is very clever. In requesting the parent(s)/guardian(s) to sign that they give permission for their charges to participate in all scouting activities and to be photographed whilst doing so, such pressure is relieved.

It is a tragic shame that we can no longer enjoy the company of our children; without care or worry. Each act of kindness, while spontaneous and reciprocal has also to be weighed up; lest it be misinterpreted.

Often I have been threatened with a telephone call to Childline; reporting me for some imagined slight, and this by BB; my own offspring. I am afraid that such threats fall upon stony ground with me; as I generally offer to fetch him the telephone number. That somewhat defuses the situation.

We were lucky as children, we lived in an age of innocence. As adults we ventured out into the world, only to discover our naivety. Today it seems it is quite a different story. A little knowledge will protect our children from some of the evil that lies in wait.

Years ago we were expected to show a degree of respect 'for our elders and betters' and yet in a society which is so advanced respect appears to be a thing of the past.

The Scouting Ireland has contributed much to society during its one hundred years; it is one of the few remaining bastions of sanity. The boys and girls who grow up in the scouts are given a set of values based on respect for others; irrespective of their race, creed, colour or gender.

After a life time of caring for sick patients I now find myself in the strange position whereby I am one of the patients and no longer the carer. This is an unsettling situation to find oneself in and has been very difficult to come to terms with.

It has however given me opportunities that I would not have been able to avail of whilst working. First is the time I can now spend with the two boys, DG & BJK. I am much more relaxed and it seems that people actually like me now!

Secondly I am now making greeting cards; by hand and am enjoying the fact that I am doing something for other people to enjoy whilst enjoying it myself. In the near future things will look up for me and I will be a successful business woman, with an amazing & unique product that people can't wait to get their hands on!

Thirdly, through my relatively new involvement with Scouting Ireland I have an opportunity to give something back to the community; without making myself unwell. If I can pace myself, I'll be okay.

It is a great satisfaction to feel that the youngsters we deal with will hopefully have better things to do with their time than hang around street corners.

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The incident I referred to at the beginning was one of bullying. It was an unfortunate one off incident; which was dealt with efficiently, at the time by the school, who have been incredibly supportive since.

Some of the older boys; venture scouts, are also looking out for BB & helping him settle into his new school; which is a reflection of what scouting is all about.

Polly P x